what if I give up on myself? what if I met thyself and decide she's a hopeless loser with no motivations in life? better than an agenda, right? still no fun to be around if you can help it...

Hello? Friends?

I need new friends! I realize I've been a bitter pill lately and it's mainly because I feel lost, alone, and unloved. I put a tremendous amount of weight on my partner because other than my parents I believe that he is the only one that cares about me therefore I depend on him for everything. I don't get it. I've always been extremely independent but more and more I've become less selfishly motivated. I was fiercely independent because I wouldn't allow someone to tie me down as there were always other things for me to do, see, place for me to be, people to meet but all those things were temporary. In the end they flew off quicker than I could stop and perch and then I saw others nesting and thought I should probably leave, no one wants to nest with me.. But is there a tree I could call my community? Is anything constant enough to not break off. I feel like deep roots without new leafs, no buds, no flowers ready for the termites to come devour. See.. bitter pill! :/

think I'm done with Occupy Seattle

I think I'm ready to quit Occupy Seattle. It's turning out to be nothing but an unproductive distraction! I'm all for a leaderless movement BUT everyone in that movement has to be hyper aware that if the movement is to have any kind of force each individual must take the utmost care to constantly establish and maintain organization. What I believe is OS's fatal flaw is that broke into Work Groups before ever having assembled. It didn't have solidarity to begin with nor did it wait until GA was at a critical capacity to deal with it's needs and issues and thus go through the process of proposing each and every issue or need of the whole group and explain reasons why they should be dealt with outside of GA in a newly established Work Group. It simply copied the list of WG's from OWS and immediately broke into a wide variety of self appointed leader made sub-assemblies staking their claims like they were gold mines and then disassociated themselves from GA as if their time was way better suited spent in WG (as understandable as it is unforgivable)..

This then paved the way for growth so that now newer members are told to join a Work Group to get involved and they are then either finding WG's that are already dictated by a core group controlling them who behave as they already have a grip on the situation and don't need any assistance (in which case why was the work group formed if it was merely a need for a few people's attention? couldn't the GA have elected a team of 2-3?) and/or refuse to listen to new ideas with an attitude of seniority (come on.. OS is barely 2 mo old) OR they hardly take the time to properly analyze and judge the existing WG situation while trying to integrate and instead march off to form their own new WG without as much as any kind of research or communication as to the need for and purpose of said WG and how it will contribute to the GA as a whole. As a matter of fact newer WG's have told me that you don't have to go before GA to get approval to be a new WG!?

So at this point THERE IS NO GA! No one is representative of anything established by the GA only, maybe ~ only if marginally committed to their own organization, representative of a segregated WG that has managed to undermine the weakly established, if you can even call it established, system of becoming a recognized OS WG who fails to communicate or recognize not only what their purpose and participation is aiming for and what they're responsibility is but also what other groups are doing and when to pick up slack, aid, collaborate, delegate, or back the fuck off!

For an example Media WG has suddenly, without communicating their intentions nor asking or offering assistance ect to Arts & Entertainment WG taken over booking and staging entertainment at Westlake permanently on Saturdays. Media? So it's basically whatever is released to the press is law I guess... great :/ See how this works? Media is a real winner! Check out this loophole they must have set up early on ~ GA passed resolution saying anyone talking to media or City on behalf of OS must first receive approval from GA. But if you call yourself "Media WG" then you must have approval then already, yeah? So what if (hypothetically) Media were to be infiltrated and corrupted by a covert entity? Well then OS would officially make an ass of themselves at best, at worst become completely undermined and overruled by their self appointed authority and whatever agenda they wish to play! What did we need a "media work group" for anyway? Some people made the movement look foolish when interviewed on camera while some others new how to handle their responses and paint a better face. So why didn't we seek to improve those who tended to fall short instead of cutting them off and telling them they weren't good enough to represent the 99%?? What are the qualifications we decided on were mandatory for someone to be an official media rep?

fail.

So I realize I may just be cranky from the Full Moon and I don't mean to pick on one particular WG so I apologize to Media for using them as a sole example.. but I'm frustrated!! And I can't tell where or what to do with myself to remedy the situation other than breach the topic somewhere and somehow.. so I blog for right now in protest of the protestors I guess.. Way to show solidarity (yes, I do recognize I'm being a hippocrite in some regards and I'll readily admit my own faults in all of this) but silence = slavery = death

whither the Demoness wails

There is no other day or night than this.
Thou shalt inspire the proud ones with infinite pride,
and the humble ones with an ecstasy of abasement;
all this shall transcend the Known and the Unknown

Thou art like a lonely pillar in the midst of the sea;
there is none to behold Thee
I too am the Soul of the desert;
thou shalt seek me yet again in the wilderness of sand.
Even as evil kisses corrupt the blood,
so do my words devour the spirit of man.

I breathe, and there is infinite dis-ease in the spirit.
Thou hast fastened the fangs of Eternity in my soul,
and the Poison of the Infinite hath consumed me utterly.

Then, O then call not to thy view that visible
Image of Nature; fatal is her name!
It fitteth not thy Body to behold
That living light of Hell,
The unluminous, dead flame,
Until that body from the crucible
Hath passed, pure gold!

There is a beauty unspeakable in this heart of corruption,
where the flowers are aflame.

Ah me!
The thirst of Thy joy parches up this throat,
so that I cannot sing.
Beckons, and with inverted torch doth stand
To lead us with a gentle hand
Into the Land of the Great Departed,

Into the Silent Land, I came to the house of the Beloved.
Therefore Thou art mine, even now and for ever and for everlasting. Amen.

darlin distracting

I'm fucking around with these pictures of JJ and I from last night when we were "dressed up" as goth kids for a costume party we were hired to perform fire at.. due to a lack of time/planning we figured no one would know we're often seen outside of Halloween dressed quite similarly... instead of focusing on finishing my Demoness monologue.

*sigh