a letter for an ex and his newest "love"

Hey Jeremiah ~

ARE YOU EVER GOING TO SPEND MORE THAN 2 MO AT A TIME OF EVERY 2 YEARS OF YOUR ENTIRE ADULT LIFE ACTUALLY SINGLE AND ALONE GETTING TO KNOW YOURSELF and maybe discover why can't stay with a woman for more than 2 years or at the very least confront and admit you have a problem with this ridiculously redundant pattern?! 

Jeremiah and Medea approx. 2 mo after he broke up with Brittany, they're in love. 

You might actually grow up in that time and learn to be honest with yourself so that you quit telling those hurtful lies that betray the trust of the people who open themselves up to be utterly annihilated by your immature role playing game of replicating your father instead of healing those wounds and transcending them. 

JJ and Brittany (left: approx. 2 mo after he broke up with me swearing he was going to stay single for a year... right: a year later around approx. their 1 year anniversary)

"If I live till I'm 102 just don't think I'll ever get over you..."

Me and Jeremiah (bottom 2: approx. 2 mo after he broke up with Amber.. on the L: the day we met when he told me he just got out of a relationship and was going to remain single for a year... Top L: our 1 year anniversary dinner celebration precisely a year to the day later..)

You're a destroyer of lives! I'm still not alright! Now you're dating a woman with a child, are you serious?! You're not. Tell her you're not. Tell her what you told me near the end, that you don't think you'll ever be married. That you habitually change women every 2 years like clockwork... Switch! 1-2 switch! That when you say "I unequivocally and irrevocably am in love you!" you lie! That contract will be revoked undubitously in 2 years ~ Medea,

Mark my words.. if ever there was a guarantee based on history it is this. Don't believe me cuz I'm just a psycho drug addled ex? Ask Rachel! She tried to warn me about it because I just like you thought he was my forever live happily ever after... See what comes next?

JJ and Amber 

There was a photo on her FB of the two of them that looked like a wedding photo but I don't remember her last name and this is surely enough creepy stalking/ psycho ex crap for one day... not to imply I do it often and/or intend to do it again! Seriously I'm not a total masochist. FB just placed you first in my "people you might know" and there I discovered merely maybe 3 months if even after I heard him and B split is someone pronouncing him "her love" and happiness. Who the fuck falls head over heels in love in less than 2 mo after being in love with someone else for 2 years? Have you ever been completely in love and then again almost immediately without at least 6 or so months to grieve, find yourself again, then meet somebody but insist you take it slowly?! What's the odds that someone could have such unbelievable luck in love??? Something's not right. I was left devastated and checked myself into rehab to prevent committing suicide. 6 months after I got out I started sorta seeing a rebound guy but he was rebounding too so we casually dated (only spent one night a weekend on average together) for 8 months and never uttered the ILY. After that about 1.5 yr clean when I realized it wasn't going to get any better, that I was still not over J, I relapsed...

"In the tapestry of fate each thread comes to an end." The Demoness returns to accept her fate except she is cursed, there is no redemption for her. No wings, no love, only acceptance and maybe peace after the decline of humanity.. Hope it's comforting. 

I'm trying to heal. I've been horribly damaged by him and haven't had a good healthy relationship since and I don't honestly know if I ever will trust and completely open my heart up to be in love ever again. He destroyed that. He was my one true love, I was just a Demoness he needed to fulfill his own selfish dream. He promised me that after I helped him launch AE he would help me with my play. Then we did AE again, and again, and again, and when I finally said "that's it! my turn now?" he was finished.

Protect your kid. He will never play house with you and be a family unit. His family is AraKus and despite all of his friends being married now, it will never happen! Don't delude yourself! Stand guard of your heart and most especially your child. Mine died (cat) 2 weeks after he left on xmas eve. Great punctuation to my tragedy, eh? I'll never understand why that had to happen that way. It was a symbolic death of my spirit and it's yet to be reborn fully transcended yet. Perhaps if I reach through to you and stop the pattern, prevent you from becoming so broken, maybe then I can finally let it go? I don't know, I don't know.... Blessed be. 

What was the bang?

SO I WAS ASKED ~ 

  "And what brings you to tinder?  Conversation?  Friends?  Drinks?  Needing to bang one out?"

MY RESPONSE ~

Well first of all women don't EVER "need to bang one out" pretty sure that involves a penis, hand, and perhaps a porn pic or something to that extent? I wouldn't know.. but it sounds like a problem you guys are on your own with. 

Next I hardly think tinder would be a very good source for finding lasting friendship. Is there even such a thing as REAL friendship in the days of Facebook? I'm unsure. Seems some of my "friends" do indeed have friends they regularly spend time with and have known for many years. I have basically my family of friends who I mostly haven't seen in YEARS since they moved to the woods and starting raising hippie kids. Then I have a shit ton of acquaintances everywhere I go! I don't have single super close consistent friend who I frequently do things with, I'm independent but lonely in a crowd that I personally know half of. Would like one but....

Conversation, meh. Acquaintances and random stranger work fine for such stuff. 

 Drinks? Yes!

Now you left some options out if you can believe it. A fuck/get laid/hook up or anything but "bang one out" Not opposed after drinks perhaps see where it goes. 

And last, relationship. I know, I know, go ahead and chastise me back as I certainly deserve it after this novel reply... but I want one of those. So if the bang is worth a few bucks (ah!) NO.. if the chemistry is present, and there's intrigue, then the sex is spot on and other factors after that which is usually where everything goes horribly wrong but regardless it would be righteous if the sex became frequent and the company didn't suck too and became a healthy-ish habit etc etc. 

Happy? Have a good boom bang crackle woo k (July 4th)

Happens to me every time...

I can't believe I fall for it every single time no matter how many times it's happened before! I don't think I'll ever learn or not hope for once I've found a real catch and we obviously can't teach men how not to effect us like this.. So let's say a guy hasn't msg'd or been around for a few days leaving you wondering if he's moved as he certainly hasn't been thinking of you like you have been him.. then finally sends a text with:

What are you up to tonight?

I, or let's just say the girl, always reads this as if it says:

Sorry I've been busy, babe, but I intend to make it up to you. What are you doing tonight?

When what he's saying is nothing of the sort. In fact, he thinks he's is totally being cool and considerate by out of the blue engaging her with totally meaningless idle chit chat. Whatever you are up to that evening is of no real concern to him whatsoever as he's just hoping to engage her in a conversation on any sort of random topic that's NOT what he has been up to nor what he's actually doing himself that evening but he knows if he doesn't text her at all a 3rd night in a row she will certainly question his modus operandi as she'll want to know why he hasn't checked in. "What are you up to tonight?" isn't a date proposal as she delights in the notion of, he already has plans and he hoped that she has some herself by now so she's the one who's got a problem with fomo. She however has awaited this feeling of alas a lawless victory! So she responds with something cheerful and casual yet assumes the prize is in her bag:

Going crazy.. wanting to see you! Come watch that movie or do that thing you said earlier we'd do sometime this week and you have to work the rest of it other than tonight, right?

....

No response for a couple hours as he struggles with how he can possibly tell her the truth is he made plans with his bros he works with and sees every other day of the week on his one night off instead of meaning what he said he'd do. He simply though saying it would placate her and she'd get bored I guess and find someone else to help her with the task she only asked him to help her with as an excuse to spend some time being sweet to him.. Meanwhile she has proceeded to get into the shower or start making them both dinner or tidying up in prep for his imminent arrival he's only waiting to determine which bus he can catch before giving her an accurate eta... He responds off topic trying to turn that tactic into an 0 for 3 as successful stalling.

What time is your thing tomorrow?

9ish.

I'll try to make it but I have to switch my shift at work. 

 ....

 

You're not coming over tonight are you?

No...

Now she feels worse than she would have if she hadn't even heard from him instead of being lifted by her wishes, hopes, and spoken promises... and then dropped back down to Earth causing another crack to appear in her heart.

Genius will fulfil its vocation even without concurrence

Alas this middle or 3rd paragraph from the top I do declare is my accepted take away of my lesson dealt to me by Cornelius' A.'.A.'.


Exert taken from https://books.google.com/books?id=vmEVAAAAYAAJ&pg=PP1#v=onepage&q&f=false 

Merci for the excessive Mercer's mercery that are not mercenaries

Worshipful Company of Mercers

Mercer's School Staff 1958 ~ London, England
or perhaps HOGWARTS? What's with the giant on the right?! Holy shit.


Since I live on Mercer Street in the Mercer Apartments and my grandfather's surname was Mercer I decided to do a little ancestry digging for spiritual Work purposes and fell into this massive mess I don't know what to make of it. Mercer supposedly is one who sold basically merchandise or mercery that seems to indicate fabric of great import such as silk from the east so novelty fashion shops essentially and it's very generic like Smith can mean a million things. The only thing I found interesting in the etymology as it seems to be connected to me to Mercury as the Latin root of it is "merc" or "merx" which does make sense certainly that I can connect it to Mercurial Hermeticism as it established this Company in London and eventually came to be something oddly resembling the Freemasons in that they called themselves "Freemen" and completely lost their connection to merchants of fancy fabric same as the Masonic Lodge isn't all that connected at all to laying bricks and modern architecture but only uses the connection in convenient dogma such as claiming connection to the pyramid builders even though you're a bunch of white European descenders living in America and focus on business and capitalism and not so much in buildings like Donald Trump, but just money and fraternity shhhh.... !

I did discover that John Dee was a member of the Worshipful Company of Mercers by patrimony.. yay. Not sure if that means anything because I'm putting my foot down when it comes to researching these 12 great companies of London Inc. other than noting what the numerology and great Seals of each say. Like our Virgin Mistress scarlet Columbia aka Liberty Lady here ~



The Second Charter confirmed the 1394 Charter and granted a common seal to be used in business transactions. The seal motif was the Mercer Maiden which is the emblem or heraldic device of the Mercers' Company. The imprint from the 1425 seal is the earliest known depiction of the Mercer Maiden. The Mercers' Maiden is the symbol and coat of arms of the Company. She first appears on a seal in 1425. Her precise origins are unknown, and there is no written evidence as to why she was chosen as the Company’s emblem. 

Astraea abandoned the earth during the Iron Age. Fleeing from the new wickedness of humanity, she ascended to heaven to become the constellation Virgo. The nearby constellation Libra, reflected her symbolic association with Dike, who in Latin culture as Justitia is said to preside over the constellation. In the Tarot, the 8th card, Justice, with a figure of Justitia, can thus be considered related to the figure of Astraea on historical iconographic grounds. According to legend, Astraea will one day come back to Earth, bringing with her the return of the utopian Golden Age of which she was the ambassador.

Hmm.. so like Ma'at? YHVH much... indeed.

"iam nova progenies caelo demittitur alto.
tu modo nascenti puero, quo ferrea primum
desinet ac toto surget gens aurea mundo,
casta fave Lucina; tuus iam regnat Apollo."