Woe is Man Unto the Woman

REPENT, man who art afraid and disgraced.

Seek ye the TRUTH and the truth shall set you FREE:

http://www.esotericarchives.com/agrippa/preem.htm

Black Hole Sun

Okay so I've tried to remain extremely skeptical about all the Niburu conspiracy theories, using scientific discretion, however I'm not sure what to make of this! Why does the "sun" appear black in these webcam photos live in Antarctica?!? Check it out:

Webcam Neumayer Station III

FLASHMOB

CHOREOGRAPHY FOR PAID FLASH MOB ON 1/25/2012!!!

K first off since you can't see all of me in my "Born This Way" video.. Watch this one for what's going on in the first part (except the timing changed slightly so that you're wagging your hips until "right track" or 5, 6 and sliding down your body on "baby I was born.." 7, 8)



Then I think you can see the rest of it here. There's a 4 count just before we step together step touch (snaps) for you to just give some attitude like "yeah, we kicked ass.." heh




I am ready to record "Marry the Night" asap! But for now this is my inspiration version for you to watch and MIRROR until you get mine hopefully by the end of the night...



Check back here for updates! Costume details! Call time on Wednesday! Plan to meet up early that day so we can work out our formations, who starts when, and run it several times to make sure we're on the same foot/page!!

whither the Demoness wails

There is no other day or night than this.
Thou shalt inspire the proud ones with infinite pride,
and the humble ones with an ecstasy of abasement;
all this shall transcend the Known and the Unknown

Thou art like a lonely pillar in the midst of the sea;
there is none to behold Thee
I too am the Soul of the desert;
thou shalt seek me yet again in the wilderness of sand.
Even as evil kisses corrupt the blood,
so do my words devour the spirit of man.

I breathe, and there is infinite dis-ease in the spirit.
Thou hast fastened the fangs of Eternity in my soul,
and the Poison of the Infinite hath consumed me utterly.

Then, O then call not to thy view that visible
Image of Nature; fatal is her name!
It fitteth not thy Body to behold
That living light of Hell,
The unluminous, dead flame,
Until that body from the crucible
Hath passed, pure gold!

There is a beauty unspeakable in this heart of corruption,
where the flowers are aflame.

Ah me!
The thirst of Thy joy parches up this throat,
so that I cannot sing.
Beckons, and with inverted torch doth stand
To lead us with a gentle hand
Into the Land of the Great Departed,

Into the Silent Land, I came to the house of the Beloved.
Therefore Thou art mine, even now and for ever and for everlasting. Amen.

I'm claustrophobic..

..but more of people/energy than of objects or confined spaces. Might need a new word for that phobia now because science is finally starting to prove what I've been saying all along feeling crazy. I'm just a little ahead of the pack involuntarily such as I've had undeniable ESP capabilities since I was 6 yo. Anyway here, watch this!

 

nobody

wants to leave this place behind.. now

be free!

say good bye <3

when the fat banker sings.. run for the hills!

Just so we're clear.. Everyone does realize that the money does not exist, right? Never really did even.. It's supposedly legal tender or trade notes, IOU's essentially, for gold and silver bullion which is a pain in the ass to carry around in your purse apparently. Here ~


So this means that all those home loans, car loans, mortgages, and any other kind of "credit" was issued, offered, or loaned out by people who didn't really have anything whatsoever but a buddy who will hook them up with a continuous flow of paper making it seem like they're loaded especially since the big dollar amounts go on money orders and/or cashier's checks. The big secret maneuver of the banking business is the classic 'fake it until you make it'. They stood to gain a tremendous amount in interests to the extent that even future forecast of predicted interest earnings too would be printed on paper and beg/barter/bought/sold for a steal.. or so they thought.
I can't believe I didn't see it or rather it hadn't seeped in yet what this whole Comet Elenin scare & frenzy is really all about. The sky IS falling! Just figuratively more than literally. The economy is truly now on the verge of utter and total collapse!    "The federal agency that oversees the mortgage giants Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac is set to file suits against more than a dozen big banks, accusing them of misrepresenting the quality of mortgage securities they assembled and sold at the height of the housing bubble, and seeking billions of dollars in compensation." ~NY Times http://nyti.ms/pHuffD According to a documentary I watched earlier this evening the value of the dollar would need to decrease by a rate of 98% in order to equal the value of the current federal gold reserves (if they even really exists.. a full inventory count hasn't been done since 1971!) This means that if only 2% of the  cash flow including bank/savings accounts, mutual funds, and stock investments were suddenly cashed in as in WE JUST MARCH INTO OUR LOCAL BANK OF AMERICA AND SAY WE DON'T LIKE THEIR NEW FEE SYSTEM THEY'RE TRYING TO USE TO COMPENSATE FOR THEIR LAWSUITS.. WE WISH TO CLOSE OUR ACCOUNTS AND DO HEREBY DEMAND OUR GOLD BACK!!
that's it... collapse. 

FREEDOM! :D "None are more hopelessly enslaved than those who falsely believe they are free. "  ~Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Conspiracy theories, oh my!

Question everything ~ This my philosophy! 

That means don't just question all the official stories and conclude that any alternate theory must be closer to the truth since there appears to be a conspiracy to conceal something.. No, question everything! Question your questions and your reasons for questioning a thing every bit as indiscriminately. Accept nothing as steadfastly verifiable evidence if you yourself did not personally bear witness to it and even then question the limits of what you can or care to perceive. Everything is a mere possibility as is nothing is purely infallible. Careful that you're not co-conspiring unconsciously.

There is information and there is disinformation but the existence of a contrary does not validate nor confirm that there's a conspiracy but only the fact that people are prone to repeat undisputed testimony. There are no experts. Always check your sources and re-investigate their facts. If your source lists their sources who also listed their sources then it's safe to say there's substantiated evidence but be certain to cite the source you claim substantial or you can be certain you'll get dismissed as editorial because otherwise you fail to demonstrate any integrity of intention which automatically makes it disinformation since you declined the opportunity for informed opposition. Trust no one who expects you to just trust them.

the Lion's Den

Let my inspiration flow, in token rhyme suggesting rhythm
That will not forsake me, till my tale is told and done
While the fire lights aglow, strange shadows from the flames will grow
Till things we've never seen will seem familiar

Shadows of a sailor forming winds both foul and fair, all swarm
Down in Carlisle he loved a lady many years ago
Here beside him stands a man, a soldier by the looks of him
Who came through many fights, but lost at love

While the story teller speaks, a door within the fire creaks,
Suddenly flies open, and a girl is standing there
Eyes alight, with glowing hair, all that fancy paints as fair
She takes her fan and throws it in the lion's den

Which of you to gain me, tell, will risk uncertain pains of hell?
I will not forgive you if you will not take the chance
The sailor gave at least a try; the soldier, being much too wise,
Strategy was his strength, and not disaster

The sailor, coming out again, the lady fairly leapt at him
That's how it stands today. You decide if he was wise
The story teller makes no choice, soon you will not hear his voice
His job is to shed light, and not to master

Since the end is never told we paid the teller off in gold
In hopes he will come back, but he cannot be bought or sold 

Inspiration, move me brightly
Light the song with sense of colour
Hold away despair
More than this I will not ask
Faced with mysteries deep and vast
Statements just seem vain at last
Some rise, some fall, some climb
To get to Terrapin

Counting stars by candlelight
Some are dim but one is bright
The spiral light on Venus
Rising first and shining best
Oh, from the north-west corner
Of a brand new crescent moon
Where crickets and cicadas sing
A rare and different tune, Terrapin Station
In the shadow of the moon, Terrapin Station
And I know we'll be there soon

I can't figure out
If it's the end or beginning
But the train's put it brakes on
And the whistle is screaming
Terrapin
 

~ Jerry Garcia

The Grateful Dead

Oh My Gaga

Few things scare me but these do indeed:

Monarch Mind Control ~ MK Ultra

The primary difference between the Order of Horus system and the traditional A.'.A.'. is that the Order of Horus assumes that its initiates will choose to become "Black Brothers" ~ http://www.xeper.org/ohorus

Yep the notion of "alters" puts a new twist on my perspective of ye old tree, eh, eh?

the official report

Terrifyingly stifled indeed...

Beauty behold

THE TEMPLE OF SOLOMON
THE KING 

THE WANTON

THERE is a woman, young, and beautiful, and wise, who grows not old as she dances down the centuries: she was in the beginning, and she will be in the end, ever young, ever enticing, and always inscrutable. Her back is to the East and her eyes are towards the night, and in her wake lieth the world. Wherever she danceth, there man casteth the sweat from his brow and followeth her. Kings have fled their thrones for her; priests their temples; warriors their legions; and husbandmen their ploughs. All have sought her; yet ever doth she remain subtle, enticing, virginal. None have known her save those little ones who are born in the cave under the cavern; yet all have felt the power of her sway. Crowns have been sacrificed for her; gods have been blasphemed for her; swords have been sheathed for her; and the fields have lain barren for her; verily! the helm of man's thoughts has been cloven in twain by the magic of her voice. For like some great spider she has enticed all into the silken meshes of her web, wherein she hath spun the fair cities of the world, where sorrow sits tongueless and laughter abideth not; and tilled the fertile plains, where innocence is but as the unopened book of Joy. Yet it is she also who hath led armies into battle; it is she who hath brought frail vessels safely across the greedy ocean; it is she who hath enthroned priests, crowned kings, and set the sword in the hand of the warrior; and it is she who hath helped the weary slave to guide his plough through the heavy soil, and the miner to rob the yellow gold from the bowels of the earth. Everywhere will you find her dancing down empires, and weaving the destiny of nations. She never sleeps, she never slumbers, she never rests; ever wakeful, day and night, her eyes glisten like diamonds as she danceth on, the dust of her feet burying the past, disturbing the present, and clouding the future. She was in Eden, she will be in Paradise! 

Read more ~ http://hermetic.com/crowley/equinox/i/i/eqi01014h.html

VITRIOL

Do what thou will shall be the whole of the law. Love is the law, love under will.

There's a common misperception of Aleister Crowley as "the most evil man in the world" that would have such notions as "Man has the right to kill if he will" interpreted to mean murder but that is not what Thelemites are referring to at all, not in the slightest. They do mean it in the same argument used by gun enthusiast and members of the NRA but even then not quite as much as it would seem. The sentiment is that one should do what they will at all costs and if someone is hell bent on thwarting them, stopping at nothing, then one has the right to remove that obstacle so that their will can be accomplished. In the most basic sense it is the will to live, pure and simple. Man refuses to not adhere to the belief that he has a purpose in life due to the fact that he was born so it is fully justifiable to protect his own life from any and all adversary that would take it from him. Here the line is blurred in that we only perceive physical threat or rather acknowledge it in the here and now and only take action against it when it can be proven a clear and present danger when presented or maneuvered in the flesh of the one who is the originator of intent. Murder is otherwise celebrated as victory and success and exists in every single facet of Western civilization in a system known as capitalism. It is vitriol!

"Capitalism inevitably and by virtue of the very logic of its civilization creates, educates and subsidizes a vested interest in social unrest." 
 -Joseph A. Schumpeter (1883–1950) Austrian-American economist

Why? Because by definition it is the privatization of the means of production, distribution, and exchange, characterized by the freedom of capitalists to operate or manage their property for profit in competitive conditions. Capitalism must first create a competitive condition in order to be sustainable. So what has become of this? A society conditioned to maintain a consistent rate of growth in order to establish a persistent need for commodities so that there is the constant opportunity for free enterprise to flourish. Doesn't sound bad, does it? Of course not, we are conditioned to be opportunist. Opportunity means freedom, not restraint, right? Freedom for the few to commit murder of the populace justified as success or survival of the fittest due to what the economists/psychologists/physicists (often referred to as Illuminati) keep secret yet is very much common knowledge amongst them: It is vitriol!

A growth rate of 7% which is perceived by most (myself included because I'm terrible at arithmetic) as reasonably low and harmless is perceived by capitalist as highly profitable. Why? Because anything with a growth rate of 7% will double in 10 years. You probably won't believe me if I tell you what this means to us as humans so I won't bother with explaining it.. I'll let professor do it instead. Here watch a bit of this:

the time is at hand!

blah, blah, blah what she said at the water cooler.. blah, blah, price of oil.. blah, blah, blah  on the stock market...

meh, meh, meh I'm sick.. wah, I gotta work

 ~* WAKE THE FUCK UP PEOPLE *~

Watch live video from CNN on Radio Mando on Justin.tv

There's a revolution going on right outside your door. People of the world are waking up to the fact that we have been enslaved by what's called "the economy". Now is the time for us to rise up and taken back our freedom and NO America is NOT the home of free but maybe the brave, it remains to be seen...

the secret of a clown

well think I'm getting possessed by a demon again... but at least we know I'm good at it.

I remember why I decided to quit acting ~ because it would make me mad. so I agreed to only do clown skits that way I'm at least being upfront and honest about the use of smoke and mirrors.. I'm not fooling anyone. see there's a secret about being a clown ~ s/he's dead serious! why doesn't he tell anyone that? because they would never believe him. they would say he's surely gone mad.. so he let's them laugh instead. why would he let that happen? because he's not mad, just broken. some things are sacred ~ they can not be said without someone crying their self to death.. it is utterly true that you can die of a broken heart.

there is a river and it flows into the ocean. tears pour forth from the eyes of the goddess.. none can wonder why she is hurting. she hurts because she's born forth so many children. she loves all of them. because of this the clown exists, he the priceless one, is sworn to do her bidding. though she asks for nothing the fool insists on doing absolutely anything it takes to end once and for all everyone's pain and suffering. for some reason she cries even more because of it. not sure why this is though I can feel it. oh but now I cry and I can tell you why ~ it makes no sense! it's just way too beautiful.

I have no idea why beauty would make me cry but then again at last here I am. it's never too late to assume you know absolutely nothing because at least for once you'd finally be right about everything. ah, yes, conundrum. I like words. I refuse to do math since I already know what's called probability. I understand chaos well but surely you know by now, words fail, towers fall, and I think it's way too funny! I don't believe anyone had to test chaos theory but you know me, and I know absolutely nothing.

everything is sacred. there is nothing that isn't, no desolation of abominations oh my god though, it's fucking hilarious! who writes this shit? someone thank him, bless his heart! that was good. so now, will you all please take care? and if you do then please I am begging you ~ play apart and do make a show of it!

new classic clown character I'm thinking about developing call her "Good old puffy-eyed" or just Puffy yeah that works good! fyi or btw.. the other ones I call "Juju the Clown" and of course who'd forget "Meme the Mime" (pronounced mimi or me! me! get it? she is silent)

Surviving the Sick N Twisted Fashion Show

I let myself get a little down for the last hour or so because I am once again alone. I like being around people.. I'm a very social person who's claustrophobic. Dichotomy. That's been the word of the day.. or polarity and thus paradox. Success is always tempered... but the show must go On!

I'd say I certainly felt the full spectrum of emotions while working on this event. From pure elation to total breakdown.. all at once tonight even. I've never felt so dignified and utterly humiliated, proud and humble, surrounded and alone. The show was Brilliant!! Btw... heh :)

I was a model. I did both terrible and fabulous.. I was insecure and confident, nervous and calm... Love hurts! I love the work that I do but it hurts that I'm not paid much for my time and effort. Where does the love go? It doesn't seem to come back all that much... One more time with feeling? I feel too much!

I'm gonna write way more about this event and my experience as Model Liaison.. how much was involved in the planning of it. For now I'll just say EPIC

One week later 3/7:

.. with whole lot of deep self reflection and a bit of aftermath observation from a nice eagle eyed vantage point instead of sitting poolside or teaching kiddie pool wrestling classes at the Y to the next future go go dancing girls of america... I honestly have very little to say at all for American Gothique Magazine and hypothetical production company attached because I realized a lot of been there done that and have zero interest in repeating old high school glory days! I played "Alice" my senior year (in Wonderland) and I did the yearbook staff my sophomore year for some reason but it was kinda cool how I appeared to be about the most popular girl in my whole class that year but it was only the fact that I got to know the intensely shy quiet introverted boy who'd let me hide out with him from all the other stupid shit in the darkroom where images appear and everything else dissolved into fumes that don't care... I truly understand if you haven't had a Disney Princess moment and need to know that you truly are queen of your very own snowglobe.. by all means every girl deserves that! Just don't ever play poking games with guys in your scooby clan.. I repeat NO ROCKING THE MYSTERY MOBILE swear!? Not pimp unless you're into Austin Powers b&d humiliation.. oh and never trust a pirate but duh that's a no brainer.. I sound like Buffy the Vampire Slayer? Beware the ides of March and with that I'm just gonna *poof* DISAPPEAR woo hoo for rose tinted smoke & mirrors! :P

ciao x

meh ma support group.. rant

Reading this woman's blog about clinical depression just reaffirmed for me what I've been thinking after my first group meeting thing I attended called Smart Recovery.. First of all do you know how much speed I had to do just to get up the nerve to go admit to a group of strangers that I'm high on meth? It's ridiculous! Total fucking anxiety death trap.. but I lived. Thing is though, I'm not going to make it in this model either (opposed to AA/12 step/disease model) because the conditions and situation of being chemically dependent on MA is so completely different than any other substance that to be in anything but a substance specific program for at the very least stimulant users is possibly more damaging than good. I tend to agree with the disease model in that I've come to understand and accept that this IS something I will struggle with for the rest of my life, that I AM an addict and notion that I can overcome it alone by way of pure cognitive rationalization is wrong. It's not that any such skills an attempts are futile, it's just that it requires a whole arsenal of methods, resources, support, and medical supervision to get to the source of where the deep undercover covert operative is embedded because most likely it's hijacked and/or converted a good portion of your weapons against you! The biggest misunderstanding or misperception about substance abuse is that the physically addictive substances are more dangerous than the psychological ones. That tidbit of information, the fact that MA is "only" psychologically addictive is precisely the reason why I didn't put a stop to it at the 2-3 mo. mark because then I wasn't as much of a head case as I am now! I had a list of "just say no" substances but everything else was worth testing a time or two just for enhancing my experience with alter levels of consciousness. MA didn't make that list when in fact it should have been the only one on it! Now I'm being told that since it's not a physical addiction (meaning my body will literally not function properly for a bit while I'm  confronted with cravings) then it should be easier to convince yourself to keep away from it.. I WISH I COULD REASONABLY AND RATIONALLY COMPREHEND JUST HOW SICK I AM. There are way worse things to have to contend with than the pain of recovering from a physical crisis! A psychological crisis is far more terrifying because you can't tell if or when nor how long it's been or how much longer it will take to heal. I am physically strong as a mama bear but equally as vulnerable and dangerous.. What's going on here in the mythological medical faux pas is that drugs like opiates & alcohol affect certain involuntary organs in the body and change the way they function the result of which is a motor skills reactionary impairment. When sustained over a certain time period sudden changes in the environment could cause them to malfunction or even fail and yes, it's a very real, valid risk but when not an extremely high tolerance situation still it's just a physical urge or craving. Supposedly what separates us humans from animals is our ability to not give in to these primal urges in order to refine ourselves from our experiences and attain to what we call civilized. Yes, you can keep yourself from not panting when appropriate and keep your sweating to a minimum. Alcohol DT's are your heart pounds like you jogged a little stretch and proceeds to continue somewhat even though you're sitting down and no longer need extra oxygen for your limbs so they start to tremble as if collecting static.. embarrassing and frightening if you don't know why or what's causing it but about the only psychological effect is that your brain didn't bother producing melatonin because you didn't need it to trigger sleep, you passed out fine by yourself.. but the good news is that you can easily replace it with an OTC supplement until your brain gets back from vacation.

Stimulants on the other hand have a lesser effect on these organs although it does indeed stimulate your heart just the opposite of narcotics (which is why we tweakers are experts on this whole self medication regimen..) and your metabolism etc. but the number one ORGAN in your PHYSICAL BODY it has a PROFOUND effect upon is YOUR BRAIN. What's the 2 organs that you can't live without/where do you shoot if you aim to kill? That's what they call a "psychological" addiction!! Oh your brain is just rapidly deteriorating and the longer you have used the substance the less it can function without it.. but it's just YOUR HEAD?!?! Well at least you can still control your penis because if you peed in your pants that would be uncomfortable being all, you know, wet... (tweaker falls into a sudden anxiety attack at the mere notion of having to be around someone who'd so obviously be utterly humiliated and they need to take another hit so they can figure out how they would hypothetically handle it intelligently and rational and sympathetic but without actually imagining how they would feel if it were them because the trauma would be incapacitating.. (See the tweaker suffers from an exceptional empathic sense of self a pertains to others and a complete collapse of self confidence because of their psychological crutch to make up for it..) Summoning the courage to confess your weakness when in the midst of a crisis is cause enough for crisis in its own accord. Tell a person that they need or really should "get some help" is cold calculated cruelty to them because they're in a crisis, of course they need fucking help! Are you all out of compassion? Can't you even be considerate then and not rub it in that I need help and you don't because you're too good to be hurt which makes you too good to give me some help. My god, I sympathize with every single nuance of despair hidden or otherwise hinted at of yours trying to show you that I care and offer you unconditional human uh connection.. (despite the horror) I would PHYSICALLY literally walk to the ends of the earth, with no sleep, just a bag of speed, ceaselessly to help you!!? I can't believe you don't understand how hurt I am? Here, some hurt for you so eventually you'll connect on some level and treat me like a human.. puppies get treated better because they're cuter than I am... Just shoot me! *whimper *whimper *grabs purse heads to bathroom  *****reappears unaffected or ~quick change~ *recovers by going from victim to retaliatory abuser as defense mechanism all with the assumption that you get that it's a dose of your own medicine even though you thought you were being sincere but you can't understand a soul in torment because it is seriously sabotaged by a physical flooded carburetor, failed ignition, and they're outta oil trying to just give it some gas ~ it will fire up, always does! This is what a psychological addiction does. Heartbeat regulated, wipers on, go! vrooom...? oops ~ emergency brake heheh.. snap out of it! it's all in your head!

wtf? guess I'm crazy.. awesome I'll just add that to my to do list and GET IT FIXED soon as find me some HELP but what's the use? nobody can help because no one cares for a junkyard cat...

*note this was actually written on or around 1/5/2012 but I buried it in my archives, hiding it from general view, post dated the post a few years so it won't appear on the front page/home but is publicly published and accessible for anyone researching the topic of meth addiction, treatment. I will help in any way I can by sharing my experience etc!