My Special Selfie is really actually Steiner

This was suppose to be a "self summary" on a singles site that I registered on while doing business research for an event idea I'm thinking of producing next month.. but as you can read apparently I am the reincarnation of Rudolph Steiner:

Oh dear, what can I say? I'm really special! 

Before you go deciding that I must be a total narcissist from that, maybe I meant "special" as in "special ed" or "special olympics"? Indeed, I did ride the short bus for special people in elementary school once a week to be in the program where we did brain teaser puzzles to challenge us since long division wasn't enough. Actually I suck at abstract notions as numbers greater than the amount of dollars I will ever need to manage to spend (not a lot at all..) but I am hyper aware of more real but less substantiated subjects as the collective human subconscious. This is where I aim to effect change through my art and what I am is truly an artist who relentlessly strives to (not starve) fulfill my destiny as a member of the circus of the sun!

Now just wtf do I mean by that exactly? A lot of things both physically real and ethereally pre-ordained. Now is when I start to sound really special! If you can not fathom a universe where both a God (actually most likely a Goddess since we are made in her image and she gave birth to the world) and a scientific beginning big bang simultaneously co-exist then you might as well stop right here. I don't enjoy playing the jester as words are so very faulty when it comes to truth defined to have a meaning or a means to offend and humans are so horribly designed to be judgmental as a survival instinct gone horribly wrong and mass misperception given way to monumentally mad convictions. Our brains are programmed to make an initial short as in 3-5 second assessment and then categorize as yes or no, safe or danger, friend or foe. Nothing closes the door to our infinitely more advanced brainwave capabilities quicker than our preconceived notions like who instantly deemed me an arrogant narcissist, or "special" was offensive even though it wasn't "retarded", then I admitted that my high IQ is a social hindrance, now I'm attempting to define a higher consciousness to whom I gave my life in service yet I'm sure many a Christian male tuned out at mention of "goddess" assuming I'm one of those feminists or pagan demoness. It's true. I am both but it doesn't take much intelligence to understand the deity know as God simply can not be omnipotent and labeled with a limit like gender. Also She/theM said "let there be light" ~ BANG!!!

That my most humbly open minded, dear reader, is a fact we know in our hearts. Every time it beats we feel it course through us as we our manifestations of that one light. So I am cursed to walk this earth with a torch seeking to shine into the dark recesses of human ignorance and unconsciousness and worse, intentional attempts to disconnect from the source and instead consume it. The black monster of the abyss is real in all it's myths except for the one about Lucifer but we won't get into that other than I'll leave you with the fact that Lucifer means "bringer of Light"* My notion is more readily described by Steiner in chapter 21 of The Theory of Knowledge Implicit in Goethe's World Conception:

"The object must be lifted entirely out of the sphere of chance and transferred into that of necessity. Nothing must remain in the artistically beautiful upon which the artist has not impressed his spirit. The what must be conquered by the how. The overcoming of the sense-perceptible by the spirit is the goal of art and science. Science overcomes the sense perceptible by dissolving it entirely into spirit; art does so by implanting spirit into the sense-perceptible."

💪💫😏💁💥💨

*reference ~ https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lucifer 

how to quickly get to know your date

This is going to sound pretty terrible to even suggest, but the best way to really get to know someone you're dating, and cut to the chase without having to go through months of politely getting to know them... 

..is to (accidentally) stand them up! 

Seriously, all the shit flies out in an instant! IF they handle it without losing their cool, AND they're willing to forgive you, you have got one good prospect on your hands and you should consider them a keeper. 

BUT if they behave as mine did who I did not actually intend to stand up and honestly thought had either not received my rendezvous instructions yet or was blowing me off.. but I care not to explain how his assumptions were incorrect (to him) because I realized by him absolutely jumping to conclusions and FREAKING OUT about it, he is not emotionally mature enough to date plus he apparently was dumped 2 days ago though we'd been talking to each other for over a week..? I'm not even sure how else to take his pity party over texting that's still continuing as we speak the day after other than "ba-bye"

Words I LOVE ~

 These are a few of my favorite words:

• apotheosis 
• epiphany
• cantankerous 
• cacophony
• metaphor
• gnosis* 
• demassify*
• auger 
• effulgent
• thaumaturge* 
• triskaidekaphobia* ~ fear of number 13
• pyrophoric* 
• frenetic 
• bombastic
• bibliophile 
• vespertide* 
• cryptesthesia*
• epitome 

*interesting spellcheck says that these are incorrect but it even says that "spellcheck" is incorrect and I triple checked my spelling at the site below to be sure that I in fact am correct... so meh.

This post brought to you with the aide of my favorite and most useful website ~ http://dictionary.reference.com/ 

• facebook.com/dictionarycom
  Like us on Facebook!

OutLaw on Burning Man and What it's Become

I'm so sick of hearing about Burning Man!

It went from this (SF beach)..

I wish the LLC, whom everyone refers to as "Burning Man Org" which seems to be a derogatory term as far as I've seen.. had just cancelled it and retired with the copyrights still in their possession! So bad.. seriously! Then Burning Man could finally be an era we all look back on fondly in our memory and become stories we tell to our kids whenever they beg us to go to raves or whatever the kids are into these days.. Instead of being considered a community that has the right to decide for itself what to do with itself because the community has become a bunch of whiny lame ass self righteous dissenters who only want to talk shit about everyone and everything and not give any credit whatsoever to the people who worked their asses off half their life putting on the ONE THING IN THE WORLD THAT TRULY CHANGED THEIR LIVES forever.

To this (Black Rock Desert)..

But NO. I now have to listen to them whine about not getting tickets. Hear them boast about scoring tickets. See them beg and beg and beg for tickets for the next five fucking months escalating into a massive crescendo that will completely occupy my Facebook feed come the end of August and still not quit because they can post of Facebook from the goddamn playa now!? See! Even I who always stand up for the LLC/org members who are or were people I once considered close personal friends in addition to co-workers, have become a voice of dissent! Only difference between me and all the others I'm referring to is I hate burners instead of being a burner who hates the org. Actually the only difference between me and any of them is likely only in my eyes.. moment of clarity, eh? I'll readily admit when I'm wrong.. wish I could say the same for burners!

To this! (Black Rock City)

The difference between me and the dissenters is I ACTUALLY HAVE FIRST PERSON KNOWLEDGE AND EXPERIENCE TO BACK MY OPINION opposed to hearing some dude that managed to become a famous dissenter (ie. Chicken John) ex burner who has now moved on with his life but not before raising a whole lotta hell scrutinizing the way the org ran things and claiming all the while to be one of the "original burners" which is simply not true as his claim some kind of authority that gave him the right to an opinion. (edit: actually he was around in the first days on the playa apparently according to the article I sighted but then again it could just be him talking big as many burners are known to do) Always about the damn community.. The truth is I guess it has to be because I know from direct experience as a DPW Project Manager for 6 years no one can accomplish anything in the desert alone! It was only by being a team player I was able to rise to such ranks as I did and was able to lead my crew like a team thus creating a small exclusive community or rather "the winners" of such things as racing Tony's (Perez aka Coyote.. current Head of DPW) crew in completing our half of the city's intersection's in t-staking and installing street signs.. The original "burners" or community members back when it was on the beach in San Francisco is the majority of what was once called the Org and they have done the BEST they can with everything they were thrown! Here's a good fair article on Burning Man's History including sentiments of John Law who I hung out with on the playa one 4th of July weekend and agree he's crazy (as the anti-Law camp says) but also very knowledgeable of the terrain of the Black Rock Desert. He was on a mission to shoot out propane tanks though btw.. which is illegal and enforced by the BLM making my opinion of him as equally respectable as Danger Ranger an antithesis because such is the nature of a "radical self reliant" philosophy.

And from this..

The fact of the matter is that Burning Man is just TOO BIG!! Everyone use to be mad at how much they have to pay to go to it but what they didn't realize is how expensive to was/or is to put on! Of course now there's at least 10 thousand burners who want to go and are willing to pay as much as they ask but can't because it's TOO BIG so now they're all dissenters because they didn't win the (literal) lottery to have an opportunity to buy a ticket!? Then there's the burners who can't afford a ticket if they won the lottery (like me) talking shit about how those who can are selling out to the Man and the greedy LLC who's retiring soon and turning it over to most likely people who were dissenters for a long while and now are going to become exactly who they hated and make the exact same decisions once they understand the situation surrounding the decisions and the fact that the options are always either not have the event or the other option and they will grow to hate and blame the BLM as much as we did who is just a federal "org" put in charge of managing land that nobody wants because there's nothing productive to be done with it other than throw a big party on it and establish a temporary city that packs up and leaves because no one really wants to live there all year.

To this!

I wish I didn't have to have these conversations or write these blogs every year! It just makes me so mad all the things I have to hear that are simply uneducated inexperienced opinions and opinions are like assholes ~ they stink! Everyone should just get together with their own damn friends, get a permit, and go build and burn their own damn man and see what happens then!

Build your own damn man!

applicationing

Still haven't completed all the essays on my college application yet... procrastination princess here! Deadline for the next term is Dec. 12 so I'm fine but need to keep trucking so I'm gonna try to freeform respond here so I have another extra super long thing to edit down to 70-100 words.. I dunno. It's better than having ones like this one I'm finding impossible to expand on:

~ Please finish this statement: “Online education is a good match for me because...

..it's all I can afford right now and I'm a night owl so it works with my schedule really well to be in discussion groups with people in different time zones. 

(31 words.. sigh)

~ Describe an incident which led you to challenge yourself (academically, emotionally, spiritually, etc)

In 2000 I found myself unemployed, homeless, and broke in San Francisco so I volunteered to go work for DPW at Burning Man. What started out as a means of survival turned into the most challenging yet rewarding experience of my life! The bay area had beat up my self confidence something fierce so I greeted the challenge of being a woman doing construction 8 hour a days in the hot desert. I was out to earn back my own self respect and while doing so I managed to earn the respect of all my co-workers and was not only recommended for a paid position but was even promoted to Project Manager. I learned that I can do ANYTHING I put my mind and that nothing is unachievable if you work together as a team. 

(135 words.. not bad :)

Edited to 99 words:

In 2000 I found myself broke and homeless in San Francisco so I volunteered to work for DPW at Burning Man. What started as a means of survival turned into an incredibly rewarding experience! I greeted the challenge of being a woman doing construction in a hot desert environment because I was determined to earn back my own self respect. By doing so I earned the respect of others and was promoted to a paid position. I learned that I can accomplish ANYTHING I put my mind to and nothing is unachievable if you work together as a team.

(hate that it's not as cool of a story shorter but oh well..)

aztec nagual bird deities

1	Xiuhtecuhtli	Lord of Fire	Diamond BlueHummingbird
2	Tlaltecuhtli	God of theEarth	Emerald Green Hummingbird
3	Chalchiutlicue	Goddess of the Waters	Royal Hawk
4	Tonatiuh	God of theSun	BeneficentQuail
5	Tlazolteotl	Goddess ofLove	Expansive Eagle
6	Teoyaomiqui	God of the FallenWarrior	Mighty Screech Owl
7	Xochipilli	God of Maize	BrilliantButterfly
8	Tlaloc	God of Rain	The Golden Eagle
9	Quetzalcoatl	God of ofWind	The ProudTurkey
10	Tezcatlipoca	God of Bounty	The HornedOwl
11	Mictlantecuhtli	God of the Underworld	The Mighty Macaw
12	Tlahuizcalpantecuhtli	God of Sunrise	The Long-Tailed Quetzal
13	Ilamatecuhtli	Goddess of the Skies	The Rainbow Parrot found ~ http://www.symbolic-meanings.com/2009/01/07/symbolic-nagual-bird-lords-honoring-aztec-symbols-as-oracles/