Freelance Nightmares

So supposedly we have a new world order in the job market and methods of seeking income in trade for your skills and services. Sure, I have been a "private contractor" for awhile now getting hired to be a performer at parties or provide entertainment services or working as a brand ambassador or hired by temp agencies. This has been all fine and dandy however when I started a few weeks ago looking to supplement this meager income that's earned me no more than $10 grand a year EVER so that I might actually break out of mere starving artist status, IT HAS BEEN A FREAKING NIGHTMARE!!!

First of all there's tons of bloggers out there who live off of affiliate income and will affiliate with anyone. It's actually a lot easier and likely more profitable to just sign up as an affiliate and start recommending and funneling traffic towards a website from the millions of desperately seeking searchers online just like myself. Just because a blogger (or writer/reporter since there's no difference between news and "news") says that something pays people for doing things certainly does not mean it will nor that the blogger tested that aspect before saying it. So far from my experiences the majority that do actually pay you, only pay you pennies or are completely flooded with decently skilled workers living in India where pennies may work out to be of some actual value in currency exchange. In America where even the lowest minimum wages are $5 an hour which is still not anywhere close to substantial compared to cost of living, these are scams! Slavery has been abolished already...

I'm going to start blogging about each and every experience so that if you are like me then perhaps I can serve you with a warning to avoid them! None of us like wasting our time. 

Stress kills and this overwhelming feeling I get every day that passes me by that I have not achieved my goal of simply having more money coming in than going out of my bank account is not improving.

scam #1: Spare5

This one was recommended in a book I found on Amazon called Active Income Streams and as you can see after a good long hard evening I have earned myself 61 cents.

scam #2: Freelancer.com

Now this one I found surprising! I used this site to hire some Indian graphic designers and bought my logo, some posters, and other really cool designs from people before so I when I decided to give it a shot and turn the tables from being a cheap American starving artist/business owner to an "okay I'm really fucking starving now" freelancer willing to do just about anything for work it was not so pleasant. I got hit up to be a webcam girl aka "special chat friend ;)" on skype for $250 and #suckit I mean #shutup when I hit accept figuring that every hiring person would be as kind as I was when I offered to pay the runners up in my logo contest consolation prizes.. so nothing bad could happen if we just discussed stuff in sorta person, right? Wrong. I immediately received a notification from paypal that I PAID FREELANCER -$25!? Yup. Apparently they just go right on ahead and collect their 10% commission on your future to be completed and then approved and then transferred and hopefully released to you income!! Get this too ~ an employer can delete a job listing/offer for $5 so in theory you could potentially do the work or chat porn thing and then go to collect your completed payment and it's long gone leaving you with nothing to even try to dispute that you are owed. Omfg, and no.. this did not happen to me because I was already freaking out about my lunch money being gone to pick up my skype calls. I'm just sick that I'm going backwards and decided to quit for the night and write a blog instead.

PS. There's no affiliate codes in this blog entry but I think there's ads on my blog that have earned me a grand total of maybe 40 cents in the time it's existed so don't click em if you don't want me to get a fraction of a penny from google or amazon. Cheers ~

Not thelemic enough?

Don't you forget my name. 

Namaste bitches I mean 93

how to kill a revolution ~ follow a leader!

 Here's the link: http://slog.thestranger.com/slog/archives/2011/10/10/this-is-how-you-kill-a-movement

 

My comment #162:
Guys ~ you do realize that the system of having 2-8 official leaders elected to represent everyone in the state is precisely what is FAILING. The problem is that if there's only a few leaders at the top then that's only a few to bribe, blackmail, or otherwise corrupt and the people and their interests are no longer represented even remotely.. I keep hearing similar sentiments like this slogger:

"We are fully on board with the message of the 99%, but not with the people who believe the only valid way to make a decision is by consensus." ~Christopher Frizzelle

  How is that on board with the 99%? Either you, just like the city, are contradicting yourself or we find ourselves in a bit of a paradox. Believe me, I find the GA frustrating and annoying as can be but the fact of the matter is that if there are no leaders then it can't be corrupted, though it can creep and crawl and hardly accomplish anything. However, this movement is about change. Everybody fears change therefore is readily willing to defend their current way of life despite the fact that it's a futile facade..

   The OWS has already succeeded in that it's made us think about new models of governing ourselves! It's made us check our egos as to why we want to be in charge of something! It's made us decide if we agree, or don't agree, or don't care, or are prone to sitting on the fence only to decide according to what our peers think! That's pure and simply [R]evolutionary!

If the people lead then the leaders will follow. As much as I hate it I'm willing to test this theory because I'm sick and tired of following leaders while they follow whoever is the highest bidder... 

"None are so hopelessly enslaved as those who falsely believe that they are free." ~Goethe

nobody

wants to leave this place behind.. now

be free!

say good bye <3

when the fat banker sings.. run for the hills!

Just so we're clear.. Everyone does realize that the money does not exist, right? Never really did even.. It's supposedly legal tender or trade notes, IOU's essentially, for gold and silver bullion which is a pain in the ass to carry around in your purse apparently. Here ~


So this means that all those home loans, car loans, mortgages, and any other kind of "credit" was issued, offered, or loaned out by people who didn't really have anything whatsoever but a buddy who will hook them up with a continuous flow of paper making it seem like they're loaded especially since the big dollar amounts go on money orders and/or cashier's checks. The big secret maneuver of the banking business is the classic 'fake it until you make it'. They stood to gain a tremendous amount in interests to the extent that even future forecast of predicted interest earnings too would be printed on paper and beg/barter/bought/sold for a steal.. or so they thought.
I can't believe I didn't see it or rather it hadn't seeped in yet what this whole Comet Elenin scare & frenzy is really all about. The sky IS falling! Just figuratively more than literally. The economy is truly now on the verge of utter and total collapse!    "The federal agency that oversees the mortgage giants Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac is set to file suits against more than a dozen big banks, accusing them of misrepresenting the quality of mortgage securities they assembled and sold at the height of the housing bubble, and seeking billions of dollars in compensation." ~NY Times http://nyti.ms/pHuffD According to a documentary I watched earlier this evening the value of the dollar would need to decrease by a rate of 98% in order to equal the value of the current federal gold reserves (if they even really exists.. a full inventory count hasn't been done since 1971!) This means that if only 2% of the  cash flow including bank/savings accounts, mutual funds, and stock investments were suddenly cashed in as in WE JUST MARCH INTO OUR LOCAL BANK OF AMERICA AND SAY WE DON'T LIKE THEIR NEW FEE SYSTEM THEY'RE TRYING TO USE TO COMPENSATE FOR THEIR LAWSUITS.. WE WISH TO CLOSE OUR ACCOUNTS AND DO HEREBY DEMAND OUR GOLD BACK!!
that's it... collapse. 

FREEDOM! :D "None are more hopelessly enslaved than those who falsely believe they are free. "  ~Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Oh My Gaga

Few things scare me but these do indeed:

Monarch Mind Control ~ MK Ultra

The primary difference between the Order of Horus system and the traditional A.'.A.'. is that the Order of Horus assumes that its initiates will choose to become "Black Brothers" ~ http://www.xeper.org/ohorus

Yep the notion of "alters" puts a new twist on my perspective of ye old tree, eh, eh?

the official report

Terrifyingly stifled indeed...

Beauty behold

THE TEMPLE OF SOLOMON
THE KING 

THE WANTON

THERE is a woman, young, and beautiful, and wise, who grows not old as she dances down the centuries: she was in the beginning, and she will be in the end, ever young, ever enticing, and always inscrutable. Her back is to the East and her eyes are towards the night, and in her wake lieth the world. Wherever she danceth, there man casteth the sweat from his brow and followeth her. Kings have fled their thrones for her; priests their temples; warriors their legions; and husbandmen their ploughs. All have sought her; yet ever doth she remain subtle, enticing, virginal. None have known her save those little ones who are born in the cave under the cavern; yet all have felt the power of her sway. Crowns have been sacrificed for her; gods have been blasphemed for her; swords have been sheathed for her; and the fields have lain barren for her; verily! the helm of man's thoughts has been cloven in twain by the magic of her voice. For like some great spider she has enticed all into the silken meshes of her web, wherein she hath spun the fair cities of the world, where sorrow sits tongueless and laughter abideth not; and tilled the fertile plains, where innocence is but as the unopened book of Joy. Yet it is she also who hath led armies into battle; it is she who hath brought frail vessels safely across the greedy ocean; it is she who hath enthroned priests, crowned kings, and set the sword in the hand of the warrior; and it is she who hath helped the weary slave to guide his plough through the heavy soil, and the miner to rob the yellow gold from the bowels of the earth. Everywhere will you find her dancing down empires, and weaving the destiny of nations. She never sleeps, she never slumbers, she never rests; ever wakeful, day and night, her eyes glisten like diamonds as she danceth on, the dust of her feet burying the past, disturbing the present, and clouding the future. She was in Eden, she will be in Paradise! 

Read more ~ http://hermetic.com/crowley/equinox/i/i/eqi01014h.html

the secret of a clown

well think I'm getting possessed by a demon again... but at least we know I'm good at it.

I remember why I decided to quit acting ~ because it would make me mad. so I agreed to only do clown skits that way I'm at least being upfront and honest about the use of smoke and mirrors.. I'm not fooling anyone. see there's a secret about being a clown ~ s/he's dead serious! why doesn't he tell anyone that? because they would never believe him. they would say he's surely gone mad.. so he let's them laugh instead. why would he let that happen? because he's not mad, just broken. some things are sacred ~ they can not be said without someone crying their self to death.. it is utterly true that you can die of a broken heart.

there is a river and it flows into the ocean. tears pour forth from the eyes of the goddess.. none can wonder why she is hurting. she hurts because she's born forth so many children. she loves all of them. because of this the clown exists, he the priceless one, is sworn to do her bidding. though she asks for nothing the fool insists on doing absolutely anything it takes to end once and for all everyone's pain and suffering. for some reason she cries even more because of it. not sure why this is though I can feel it. oh but now I cry and I can tell you why ~ it makes no sense! it's just way too beautiful.

I have no idea why beauty would make me cry but then again at last here I am. it's never too late to assume you know absolutely nothing because at least for once you'd finally be right about everything. ah, yes, conundrum. I like words. I refuse to do math since I already know what's called probability. I understand chaos well but surely you know by now, words fail, towers fall, and I think it's way too funny! I don't believe anyone had to test chaos theory but you know me, and I know absolutely nothing.

everything is sacred. there is nothing that isn't, no desolation of abominations oh my god though, it's fucking hilarious! who writes this shit? someone thank him, bless his heart! that was good. so now, will you all please take care? and if you do then please I am begging you ~ play apart and do make a show of it!

new classic clown character I'm thinking about developing call her "Good old puffy-eyed" or just Puffy yeah that works good! fyi or btw.. the other ones I call "Juju the Clown" and of course who'd forget "Meme the Mime" (pronounced mimi or me! me! get it? she is silent)

spirit lust

As the dancer whirls, she chants in a strange, slow voice, quickening as she goes: Lo! I gather up every spirit that is pure, and weave him into my vesture of flame. I lick up the lives of men, and their souls sparkle from mine eyes. I am the mighty sorceress, the lust of the spirit. And by my dancing I gather for my mother Nuit the heads of all them that are baptized in the waters of life. I am the lust of the spirit that eateth up the soul of man. I have prepared a feast for the adepts, and they that partake thereof shall see God.

I've become digitally numb

How often have you gone back and reread something you wrote and discovered while trying to edit it to make more sense, at least you thought.. but you actually left a cut/pasted section somewhere that trails into nowhere smack in the middle of a cohesive train of thought? I do it a lot! Of course I'm not that worried about it because I assume no one's judging me as incompetent for the flaw. It's obvious what happened and nobody whatsoever actually thinks I typed the sentence that way intentionally or my brain unraveled momentarily and I failed to realize I had an incoherent/incomplete thought but probably I overly thought it and got caught up in the small stuff, details, words that is, or tense (as in past tense, present etc), person/perspective which I'm apt to do I admit. I like to laugh it off and joke that I can be OCD about things sometimes.. another one that I often use just like all of you who scour the internet do too is "ooh.. shiny" or ADHD. Sometimes I'll even complain about anxiety and often I am certain that I have fallen into a state of depression. Why? Because I can never live up to all the expectations I have for me! I can't even keep up with all the emails I'm expected to read/reply on top of the texts/calls/comments etc. I can't even seem to finish writing a blog, get off the computer, shower, and get out the door to go do something like I want or intend to half the time because there's a million things in between distracting me and I seem to think they're all necessary for my attention to drift to momentarily because my mind is a bottomless pit like a stomach that can continuously digest information and only become more stimulated and strengthened in the process... IT'S NOT TRUE! NONE OF IT IS TRUE! IT'S NOT FUNNY TO HAVE A PSYCHOLOGICAL DISORDER! IT'S NOT OKAY BEING LATE ALL THE TIME! AND I'M DEPRESSED BECAUSE I'M ISOLATED TO THE EXTENT THAT MY BODY SUSPECTS IT'S ARMAGEDDON FOR REAL AND MIGHT IMPREGNATE ME HERMAPHRODITICALLY IF THE ONE PERSON AROUND ME IN PERSON WASN'T MY BF whoops, didn't mean to scream that. heh. sorry. um. here watch this: http://www.netflix.com/WiMovie/Frontline-Digital-Nation/70131661?trkid=1211018 seriously something to think about! if you have time and can focus long enough that is? I couldn't. had to go write a blog instead. fuck. that really sucks I think.. ooh! look ~ shiny!

ambiguous sabbatical

what is internally wield exponentially and
wrought by infinitude of sole intensity will be
wrung of ubiquitous uncertainty so to be seen 
when reeled from the myriad of misery
wells an eternal soluble mystery...

But we speak the wisdom of Eloah
in a mystery that was hidden
And [that] Eloah had before separated
from before the ages for our glory.
That not one of the authorities of this world knew,
for if they had known it,
they would not have crucified the Adon of glory.
But as it is written:
The eye has not seen, and the ear has not heard,
and into the heart of a son of man has not entered
that which Eloah had prepared for those who love Him.
(1Cor. 2:7-9 HRV)

"Life is understood backwards, but must be lived forwards." -Kierkegaarde

Surviving the Sick N Twisted Fashion Show

I let myself get a little down for the last hour or so because I am once again alone. I like being around people.. I'm a very social person who's claustrophobic. Dichotomy. That's been the word of the day.. or polarity and thus paradox. Success is always tempered... but the show must go On!

I'd say I certainly felt the full spectrum of emotions while working on this event. From pure elation to total breakdown.. all at once tonight even. I've never felt so dignified and utterly humiliated, proud and humble, surrounded and alone. The show was Brilliant!! Btw... heh :)

I was a model. I did both terrible and fabulous.. I was insecure and confident, nervous and calm... Love hurts! I love the work that I do but it hurts that I'm not paid much for my time and effort. Where does the love go? It doesn't seem to come back all that much... One more time with feeling? I feel too much!

I'm gonna write way more about this event and my experience as Model Liaison.. how much was involved in the planning of it. For now I'll just say EPIC

One week later 3/7:

.. with whole lot of deep self reflection and a bit of aftermath observation from a nice eagle eyed vantage point instead of sitting poolside or teaching kiddie pool wrestling classes at the Y to the next future go go dancing girls of america... I honestly have very little to say at all for American Gothique Magazine and hypothetical production company attached because I realized a lot of been there done that and have zero interest in repeating old high school glory days! I played "Alice" my senior year (in Wonderland) and I did the yearbook staff my sophomore year for some reason but it was kinda cool how I appeared to be about the most popular girl in my whole class that year but it was only the fact that I got to know the intensely shy quiet introverted boy who'd let me hide out with him from all the other stupid shit in the darkroom where images appear and everything else dissolved into fumes that don't care... I truly understand if you haven't had a Disney Princess moment and need to know that you truly are queen of your very own snowglobe.. by all means every girl deserves that! Just don't ever play poking games with guys in your scooby clan.. I repeat NO ROCKING THE MYSTERY MOBILE swear!? Not pimp unless you're into Austin Powers b&d humiliation.. oh and never trust a pirate but duh that's a no brainer.. I sound like Buffy the Vampire Slayer? Beware the ides of March and with that I'm just gonna *poof* DISAPPEAR woo hoo for rose tinted smoke & mirrors! :P

ciao x

the Wounded Healer

I'm still in the middle of an intense process right now due mainly to the meeting/or reunion (from a prior life I'm assuming since his cycle is @50 years) with a long lost old friend, Chiron, the wounded healer. Just when I thought all the old karma from years worth of abuse as a woman who's walked the Earth the past 200+ years was finally done.. salt was poured on all the wounds I had ignored for the sake of progression/evolution/enlightenment but on the contrary.. my Work has just begun despite the fact I thought the deal was if I could only get them to move then I too could go with them! Nope. It's just like the dream I had about the Golden Gate Bridge on 1/3/2000 I will get left behind in a less than a heartbeat because No One cares about me but Me. I put all my eggs in one basket because I truly believed that if I would do anything for someone then they would in turn eventually be willing to anything for me especially once they see how damaged I've gotten to be.. it's the Golden Rule, right?! Yeah well that yellow bricked road leads you straight to hell paved with your good intentions.. I entirely put my personal needs/desires/dreams completely on the back burner this life because I wanted to getter done! Once and for all! So I not only have never been anywhere near a state of emotional fulfillment, nor even content for more than fleeting moments.. but I'm now left alone to fight for my own soul! ABANDONMENT is my fate for all the love I've shown!! I can't heal if Nobody cares but you did because I never faltered! Why won't you just rape me and beat me to a bloody pulp instead? PLEASE just don't walk away! Show me I at least make you passionate even if it's abuse.. I forgive you! Yes I am that AMAZING! What you didn't notice how much I persevered to still be here? That doesn't make you love me? I can't even fathom your contempt suddenly.. What did I do to deserve this? Why am I still being punished? Well since you actually still reading this whoever you are if you only will read all of it and consider for one single moment pouring your heart out until it's an empty grail and finding nothing there to drink and I offered you my blood, every single last drop.. Would you take it? For all that it's worth? All the power in the world could never stop my love though I've been ripped into pieces on the wheel of fortune.. but to love me is better than all things or condemned, it's no matter, not one particle of dust...... Back to my astrology transits in case there's someone who cares, it is time. Do what thou wilt:

** Chiron Conjunction Sun, activity period from beginning of March 2009 until beginning of February 2010 - Come out of your shell ***

Valid during many months: During this time a particular sore point of yours is disturbed, a sensitivity or vulnerability that you may not be aware of, as this wound is part of your being. It was probably inflicted a long time ago, in your early childhood, and all that remains today is a scar - a certain vulnerability or injury.

So it may well be that you do not really notice anything when your old wound is disturbed, as you react to this as you have perhaps always reacted to such situations: You are distressed, hurt, you distance yourself and forget the incident as quickly as possible.

This can occur during conversations with friends, when together with your partner, or during exchanges with your colleagues at work. Nobody wants to do you any harm, you know that perfectly well; the hurt takes place unintentionally, and probably your counterpart notices nothing because you hide your feelings well.

If you do not react by withdrawing as you usually do, but instead show that you have been hurt, you will be forced to explain some things in more detail - not just to your counterpart but also to yourself. In that case you can use this incident as a key to a hidden or forgotten earlier painful experience. This will hardly reduce your pain, but will give you the freedom to behave differently in this, for you, typical situation. If you are more open and understanding about your own hurt, others will understand you better in future.

That is, of course, easier said than done, as this sore point is presently very deeply situated. But this moment in time offers you an outstanding opportunity to stand far enough outside yourself to show your hurt. If you recognize the situation in question and react to it, you will win new strength and confidence.



** Chiron Sextile Chiron, activity period from middle of March 2009 until beginning of February 2010 - Sensitive to moods ***

Valid during many months: You are now unusually sensitive and vulnerable, which could make other people's moods affect you directly. This will make you particularly considerate, helping you to avoid misunderstanding or inadvertently hurting others. Your present condition might be the result of someone unintentionally hurting you by touching on a sensitive issue. This influence indicates that you will become conscious again of pain which you have been carrying for a long time. A wrong word or a joke that backfires can trigger the memory of painful past events which made you feel ashamed or inadequate, often with regard to your own body, particularly with matters related to sexuality. During this time you should pay more attention to such unpleasant memories and not try to push them aside.

Whether your old wounds are physical or psychological, by paying more attention to them you have the opportunity to develop a new relationship to the physical side of your nature. Talking openly to someone you can trust may help. Sport or any other kind of physical activity could now have an additional inner meaning for you. Whatever happens, your heightened preoccupation with the dichotomies of mind and body, intellect and instinct, culture and nature, will turn out to be very rewarding.



** Neptune Sextile Chiron, activity period from end of March 2008 until end of January 2010 - Flights of fancy ***

Valid during many months: This rather subtle influence particularly helps those who, whether in their private or public lives, are confronted with the physical or psychological suffering of others. This can at times allow profound insights into those metaphysical dimensions which usually remain closed to the conscious mind, and which indicate that all suffering is subject to certain principles. You are now less concerned with your daily achievements than with understanding the meaning behind them.

If you are suffering in any way, wholistic remedies or forms of therapy are far more likely to help you than any treatment which merely tries to fight the symptoms. You may learn that someone you know has been greatly helped by homeopathic treatment, or that yoga has eased their back trouble. Help and relief are now likely to come in the form of subtle hints or things mentioned in passing - if you don't overhear them.

This influence could make you feel more relaxed and confident, particularly if you have gone through a testing time recently. If you have to deal with situations which are both challenging and difficult you will now find it easier to take time out or withdraw. You could treat yourself to more short breaks, or spend more time in natural surroundings. You might also discover creative talents such as painting, writing or music which could help you to find new strength. You will now have better access to your world of inner images and imagination, and inner affirmation and dream journeys could lead to healing experiences.

Love is the law, love under will.

A.'.A.'.A on Indigos

I'm blue da bo dee da da

The reason indigos are associated with new age is because the new age movement started when the first tribe of us left high school and home and finally took a breath and looked around (94 for me) I so have a very strong aversion to my hippy dippy days and I hate "new age" because it was so annoying having to filter to all this tourist trap crap and sideshow rip-offs with people chaneling all this bullshit for a buck but it definately taught me real quick how to discern the way the truth feels opposed to illusion and especially lies! It was just a process of decompressing everyone here, kinda like alien entertainment, original hippies, rainbows, and those rastas that drilled it into my head over and over Babylon going down so we can go to Zion.. I can't believe I just noticed that Zion=156!! That's a coincidence of New Age proportions : ) musta been too in my face to see...

The thing I relate to the most about indigos is how I've always felt like it's me against the world but for the greater good no matter what. The idea of others fufills this need I have to know I'm not alone. Plus it fits the natural progression of evolution to move towards telepathy and then stop breeding so we can begin to communicate instead which is also evident genetically when homosexuality becomes a common defect (no judgement there whatsoever- I love gay guys! from a perpetuation of the species perspective it looks like the neccessity for breeding obviously is not so much..) If there was a global castastrophe right now I bet we would find that human females can immaculately conceive (aka virgin birth) like a magic trick or we were made in God's image who creates and has no sex, duh : )

See that's another trait that proves the indigos to me is we see through the veil (the third eye or binah=blue, chokmah=purple) as we remember what all the myths and symbols are suppose to remind us of instead of teach us some big secret we're unaware of. We can read the bluemap and understand how everything comes back around full circle and completes itself.


~Asraiya