transiting Saturn conjunct natal Pluto

In a word: Terrifying!

"To suspect your own mortality is to know the beginning of terror, to learn irrefutably that you are mortal is to know the end of terror." -Frank Herbert

So I can honestly say that I've never been afraid before, at least not before this past weekend. I've studied martial arts. I know how to carry myself. I've lived in more than a few "bad" neighborhoods in my day and although I've certainly felt kinda "sketch" before on more than one occasion I've NEVER BEEN AFRAID! I was somehow armored by my life's purpose or something to that extent.. I've always known it just wasn't my time yet. Period. If it doesn't kill you it will only make you stronger.. so bring it on! Nothing I can't take, right? Well this past Saturday night for the first time in my life I suddenly felt as vulnerable as the runt in a herd of gazelle being stalked by a mountain lion.

I was walking by myself, alone, in heels, all dressed up on my way to Merc to dance just like I have hundreds of times before.. when crossing the street, in heels, I sped up to make the light on time and blow off the guys hootin n hollering at me in a car and I hyper-extended my knee, debilitating me instantly. I played it off halfway down the block but realized then that I was fucked. I immediately sought out a place to get off of it hanging left into the courtyard of the old BofA building on Broadway. I texted JJ to come get me, told him to drive around the back of the building and pick me up in the parking lot.. there I stood in the dark, alone, and defenseless. Suddenly I felt like I was dressed like an hooker on Aurora and radiating "stupid cracked out whore" or "dumb drunk bimbo" like a a neon sign was above my head. Usually even if I am dressed in such a fashion that one could possibly be mistaken.. I'd snicker at the notion knowing anyone who dared judge me as such would soon find himself horribly mistaken! But not then, I was a sitting duck, prime prey for the taking with a beacon calling 'em forth. Utterly Horrifying!!

Luckily JJ was quick but I don't know if I'll ever be quite the same ever since. My knee is still healing and I'm forced to capitalize on other talents than what my legs provide as a stable existence. Sure, I'm creative but when left with nothing but a poker face between me and death I assume I'm as good as dead. Guess I better work on that one. Cards anyone? One-eyed Jack's and.. uh.. deuces wild? Fucked...

Oh My Gaga

Few things scare me but these do indeed:

Monarch Mind Control ~ MK Ultra

The primary difference between the Order of Horus system and the traditional A.'.A.'. is that the Order of Horus assumes that its initiates will choose to become "Black Brothers" ~ http://www.xeper.org/ohorus

Yep the notion of "alters" puts a new twist on my perspective of ye old tree, eh, eh?

the official report

Terrifyingly stifled indeed...

Hopi Prophesy

"This is the First Sign: We are told of the coming of the white-skinned men, like Pahana, but not living like Pahana men who took the land that was not theirs. And men who struck their enemies with thunder. "This is the Second Sign: Our lands will see the coming of spinning wheels filled with voices. In his youth, my father saw this prophecy come true with his eyes -- the white men bringing their families in wagons across the prairies." "This is the Third Sign: A strange beast like a buffalo but with great long horns, will overrun the land in large numbers. These White Feather saw with his eyes -- the coming of the white men's cattle." "This is the Fourth Sign: The land will be crossed by snakes of iron." "This is the Fifth Sign: The land shall be criss-crossed by a giant spider's web." "This is the Sixth sign: The land shall be criss-crossed with rivers of stone that make pictures in the sun." "This is the Seventh Sign: You will hear of the sea turning black, and many living things dying because of it." "This is the Eight Sign: You will see many youth, who wear their hair long like my people, come and join the tribal nations, to learn their ways and wisdom. "And this is the Ninth and Last Sign: You will hear of a dwelling-place in the heavens, above the earth, that shall fall with a great crash. It will appear as a blue star. Very soon after this, the ceremonies of my people will cease.

Beauty behold

THE TEMPLE OF SOLOMON
THE KING 

THE WANTON

THERE is a woman, young, and beautiful, and wise, who grows not old as she dances down the centuries: she was in the beginning, and she will be in the end, ever young, ever enticing, and always inscrutable. Her back is to the East and her eyes are towards the night, and in her wake lieth the world. Wherever she danceth, there man casteth the sweat from his brow and followeth her. Kings have fled their thrones for her; priests their temples; warriors their legions; and husbandmen their ploughs. All have sought her; yet ever doth she remain subtle, enticing, virginal. None have known her save those little ones who are born in the cave under the cavern; yet all have felt the power of her sway. Crowns have been sacrificed for her; gods have been blasphemed for her; swords have been sheathed for her; and the fields have lain barren for her; verily! the helm of man's thoughts has been cloven in twain by the magic of her voice. For like some great spider she has enticed all into the silken meshes of her web, wherein she hath spun the fair cities of the world, where sorrow sits tongueless and laughter abideth not; and tilled the fertile plains, where innocence is but as the unopened book of Joy. Yet it is she also who hath led armies into battle; it is she who hath brought frail vessels safely across the greedy ocean; it is she who hath enthroned priests, crowned kings, and set the sword in the hand of the warrior; and it is she who hath helped the weary slave to guide his plough through the heavy soil, and the miner to rob the yellow gold from the bowels of the earth. Everywhere will you find her dancing down empires, and weaving the destiny of nations. She never sleeps, she never slumbers, she never rests; ever wakeful, day and night, her eyes glisten like diamonds as she danceth on, the dust of her feet burying the past, disturbing the present, and clouding the future. She was in Eden, she will be in Paradise! 

Read more ~ http://hermetic.com/crowley/equinox/i/i/eqi01014h.html